May 18, 2009

First Place
"Free will is overrated." Submitted by Nahomi
Harkavy, Greensboro, N.C.

Second Place
"This is why I suggested a threesome."
Submitted by Martina O'Boyle
Atlanta, Ga.

Third Place
"This was so much more awkward before
Craigslist."
Submitted by Julie Gautreau
Knoxville, Tenn.




Joel’s:

"I've had a hard day, Edith. Please tell your puppeteer to have you make me a martini."

"John, I love you, but I've been feeling really manipulated in this relationship."

"Oh, John, come on. You know you love the theater."

"I don't care how tired you are. You think it was easy getting dressed up like this?"

"Ralph, doesn't it seem like a million years ago that I answered your ad on Craig's List? I still can't believe your ad said
'no strings attached.'"

"I know you're feeling down, honey, but you just need to pick yourself up and brush off the dust."

"Gloria Steinem was on Oprah today, and I realized that I've got to take control of my own destiny."

"Ralph, I refuse to be seen in public with you unless you wear your toupee to cover your head string."

Contest #192 of 193, May 11, 2009

First Place
"Both the movie and I will be released this
summer."
Submitted by Lawrence Wood, Chicago, Ill.

Second Place
"It's my first time on 'Celebrity Parole
Hearing.'"
Submitted by Al Miro, Astoria, N.Y.

Third Place
"This is fancy role-playing for a conjugal visit."


Joel’s:
"We only have about 37 years left; anything you'd like to add?"

"I don't get out much these days either."

"Why don't you tell everybody the story of the time you tried to escape from the set."

"I think we're ready to roll a clip from your latest film, which is set right here,

"We need to cut to a commercial. But don't go anywhere; we won't!"

Contest #190 of 193, April 27, 2009

Winners:
1. “I think the head's in the wrong place."
Submitted by Steve Punch, Danville, Calif.

2. "If we just ignore it, maybe it'll go away."
Submitted by Lance Massey, Ohio

3. "The statue of the lemmings was just too
depressing."
Submitted by Andrew Mann, San Francisco


Joel’s:

"Together, they are a tribute to American foreign policy."

"I'm surprised the mayor thought these statues were the best choices to put in

"Let's get out of here. I think there's a pigeon statue up in the sky somewhere."

"I guess what I stepped on back there must have been from the dog statue."

"Wasn't this one supposed to be a fountain?"

"Why do you think the artist named this one 'The Republican'?"

"Just think how dumb the ostrich will feel when he figures out that he missed

"I could have done without quite this much realistic detail on the ostrich."