Contest #172, December 8, 2008

WINNER
"Guess who's getting voted off the island."
Submitted by Michael Vorenberg
Barrington, R.I.

SECOND PLACE
"We really need to revisit our immigration policy."
Submitted by Robert Marinai
Oakland, Calif.

THIRD PLACE
"Ah, the innocence of youth."
Submitted by Steve Rappaport
Brooklyn, N.Y.

JOEL'S: Happy Easter "What the Hell? Heads will roll." "Only in America." "I fell off of Mount Rushmore." "The sculptors were getting worried you guys were pushing down consumer confidence." "Sorry to tell you this, but you guys were so ugly that after they made you, they broke the mold." "Hey guys, why the long faces?" "The young ones are so round and cuddly, aren't they?" "Looks like Bertha finally laid that egg." "He looks like the statute that ate the canary." "Sure these foreign imports are getting better, but they're still pretty easy to spot."

Contest #171 of 172, December 1, 2008

Joel's: “How many singular sensations would you like?” “They’re kosher. The men are in another section.” “I’d like to have her legs.” “No, you can’t buy just the thighs.” “They didn’t practice.” “I butchered the last number, too.” “Don’t feel bad. It’s never easy for the girl, but getting cut is part of the business.” “My husband Hannibal will just LOVE these!”

First Place BUY > "I'd suggest you keep them away from the gingerbread men." Submitted by Vincent Coca Staten Island, N.Y. Second Place BUY > "It's not disturbing until someone wants to buy them by the ounce." Submitted by Steve Arrowood Oceanside, Calif. Third Place BUY > "I did the choreography myself." Submitted by Donovan Reeve Ypsilanti, Mich.

Contest #170 of 172, November 24, 2008

Joel's: "It's for Bill's retirement party this evening. I heard there's going to be a roast." "Mine's decap." "I tend to keep my mouth shut in the weekly meetings. Last week, Charlie said the sky was falling, and look what happened to him." "My supervisor gives me free range to run the program." "I liked it better when there was a box of doughnuts on the table." "Last year, I gave my secretary flowers for her birthday, but she complained they weren't very practical." "Where can I read our office sexual harassment policy? I've been getting a lot of comments about breasts and thighs."

First Place BUY > "I miss the cash bonuses." Submitted by Robert Becker Northford, Conn. Second Place BUY > "I am useless until I have my morning turkey." Submitted by Corey Lowney Wappingers Falls, N.Y. Third Place BUY > "I was actually hoping for a boy." Submitted by Antonia Boyette Los Angeles, Calif.

Contest #169 of 172, November 17, 2008

Joel's: "I'm glad our flight wasn't delayed any further. If I'm not downtown by high noon, Earle's gonna call me a yellow bellied sapsucker." "Or we can do it the other way around, I explain the regression analysis of the financials to the board, and you saddle up the horses." "I almost wore exactly the same suit today. Boy, did I dodge a bullet!" "I've always carried a Colt Peacemaker, but I'm thinking about upgrading to an iPhone 3G." "Sure, I signed the contract, but as I think about it, I really think the liquidated damages clause is unconscionable. I'm calling the sheriff." "You wanna share a stagecoach to the airport?"

First Place BUY > "What makes you think I wouldn't be up for sushi?" Submitted by Neal Svalstad El Cajon, Calif. Second Place BUY > "Remember the Alamo—now, that was a foreclosure!" Submitted by David Blume New York, N.Y. Third Place BUY > "I can't say for sure, but I think the airline mixed up my luggage." Submitted by Mark Ashton Elmhurst, Ill.