Contest #254 of 254, September 13, 2010

1. "Yes, I'm alone."

2. "I'm on a satellite phone—how's the reception?"

3. "Never thought I’d say this, but I wish I'd played more Whac-A-Mole as a kid." 


















Joel's:
 "Can you hear me?  I think I"m in a dead zone right now."

"Hello, Verizon?  Can you tell me what's considered 'roaming'?"

"My new phone was expensive, but it has wi-fi AND sci-fi."
 

Contest #253 of 254, September 6, 2010

1. "In the end, Ed, most of us are carried along by our delusions."

2. "You don't have to tell me it's a vanishing breed."

3. "You always have to be an early adopter." 





















Joel's:

 "Good to see you back in the saddle again."

"I told you not to mount the horse from the right side."

"Yeah, I did say that no horse is faster than mine, but that's not what I meant."

"So it's true, Lester.  You can't even lead a horse to water."

Contest #247 of 254, July 12, 2010

1. "They'd probably be more fun if the barrel had air holes."

2. "The monkeys themselves should come in three to six weeks."

3. "Personally, I think Prozac is a lot easier." 











Joel's:

"I don't know, I guess I just expected them to be more fun."

"Technically, these are mostly apes."

"Where's the fun?"

"I mostly want them for comparison."

"Maybe I'll have Koko sign for the delivery."

"I'm a scientist, so they're for business rather than pleasure."

"There was supposed to be a can of worms in the order as well."

Contest #246 of 254, July 5, 2010

1. "Your father's last wish was for you to succeed him as chairman."

2. "And this is our new incentive plan."

3. "Or we go to Plan B and slip something in his coffee." 





Joel's:
"We've replaced all the old lighting with fluorescents, and asked our employees to turn off their computers at the end of the day.  Can someone please explain to me why our energy costs keep going up?"
 "Motion carries. The bylaws will be amended to reflect the fact that no individual will chair the meeting more than once."

"I will now entertain a motion for the Board to appoint a new executed director."

"Wilson, what did you think of the powerpoint?"

"Well, it's getting late, and we've covered almost everything on the agenda.  It's time to vote on whether to adjourn, or execute one of our members."

"Look, I'm sure we all would have preferred to be on a reality TV show where you go home after you're eliminated, but in a market like this one, you take what you can get."

"Congress claims its new financial reform will increase transparency and predictability, but the law threatens to strip away those company practices that make us unique."

"I've assured the authorities that we at BP are fully capable of holding our officers accountable for their mistakes internally."

CONTEST #244 OF 254, JUNE 14, 2010

FIRST PLACE
"I feel a vibration. Can you call my cell phone again?"

SECOND PLACE
"Cancel my lunch date and get me a six-foot baguette."

THIRD PLACE
"These executive desk toys are becoming a nuisance."









Joel's:
"The croc stops here."

"No time to go out for lunch today.  I have to get this off my desk by 5."

"You're telling me this is not an iPad?"

"I guess some of my best ideas when I'm stroking the alligator's belly."

"We're going out for a bite.  We'll be back in about an hour."

"If my wife asks, my work with the alligator is strictly business, got it?"

"Would you please print out the schedule of events for Bring Your Alligator to Work Day?"

"Is this the coolest stapler, or what?"

CONTEST #242 OF 254, MAY 31, 2010

FIRST PLACE
“Now you're embarrassing me, Dad.”
Submitted by Nigel Arscott
El Cerrito, Calif.

SECOND PLACE
“Sharks are biting on gabardine today. Polyester should be O.K.”
Submitted by David McElwain
Boise, Idaho

THIRD PLACE
“I hate the way corporate thinking has taken over surfing, man.”
Submitted by Rob Chafin
Amarillo, Texas


Joel's:
"Around here, they call me the Chairman of the Board."