Contest #239 of 239, May 10, 2010

Winners:

1. "These are required, sir. Other people do have to testify after you."

2. "Your Honor, permission to join the witness."

3. "Would this be the article you consider 'optional'?" 











Joel's:

"Mr. Fitzpatrick, this isn't the first time you've been in hot water, is it?"

"It seemed like the perfect plan.  But you forgot one thing, didn't you?"  

Contest #238 of 239, May 3, 2010

Winners:

1. "Before we got fire, we used to talk to each other."

2. "I told you the matinée wouldn't be crowded."

3. "And I have him booked right through the Iron Age."













Joel's:

"Man, doesn't this beat drawing on the walls?"

"Fire.  Definitely my favorite technological innovation so far."

"Once beer is invented, this is gonna be even better."

"Rok hopes that having a cool talent will make people stop calling him a Neanderthal."

"Wait until you see him add a woolly mammoth!"

"It's times like this that I really enjoy being a hunter-gatherer-juggler."

"And folks, if you enjoyed the show, please feel free to show your appreciation by leaving the carcass of a large animal near the fire on your way out."

"That Prometheus guy said he was mostly here to bring us fire, but he'd throw a little something extra in the mix."

Contest #236 of 239, April 19, 2010

Winners:

1. “Did you put 3,250 pounds of 'fresh mackerel' on my credit card?”

2. “Those buckets of fish heads aren't going to take themselves out.”

3. “Dr. Ogden just called to say your mercury levels are on the high side.” 











Joel's:

"Don't be flip with me, Harry!"

"I never know when to believe you, Stanley.  First, you tell me you're the Eggman. Now . . . "

"Oh, don't give me that crap about how many fish there are in the sea."

Contest #235 of 239, April 12, 2010

Winners:

1. "O.K., now we'd like to see No. 4 in the tutu."

2. "These were winnowed down from a group of thirty-seven using DNA testing."

3. "I'm six feet tall if I stand on my toes."








Joel's:

"Now everybody turn to the left.  Feet sur les demi-pointes."

"Number 5, please do the splits in the air, and raise your right hand like you're attacking someone with a knife."

"Okay, let's take it from the top, but this time I want to see more passion.  We'll keep going until we get it right, people."

Contest #234 of 239, April 5, 2010

Winners:

1. "This is the last time I park on this side of town!"

2. "Sorry, boy, but you know how it is with them peel 'n' eat shrimp."

3. "I knew I should have had that alarm installed when I got you." 











Joel's:

"Yeah, I know, Sally.  You're getting old, girl."

"You spook easy, don't you, girl."

"I guess this is not such a safe neighborhood after all."

"I guess I was in there longer than I thought."

"Ghost town indeed."

"That mysterious fat man really was hungry enough to eat a horse."

Contest #232 of 239, March 22, 2010

Winners:
1. “What makes you think we found your cat story boring?”

2. “Your availability comes off as desperation.”

3. “You don't need to whisper—they're made of wax.” 








Joel's:

"I'm thinking of ordering the sconé."

"It beats small talk."

"This is SO embarassing.  Sheila and I are wearing the same dress."

"I'm really just here to be seen."

"Sorry, you seem like a nice guy, but since I got Skype I don't really do in-person conversations anymore."

"What do you mean, 'Talk'?"

"I told you nobody drinks coffee anymore."