Contest #307 of 307, October 24, 2011

Winners:
1. "That lady's shoes kind of remind me of Joey."

2. "I still say the sewers are quicker."

3. "Anyone care to join us for lunch?"







Joel's:

"Well, this is my stop.  See you later."

"Politicians always promise to drain the swamp, but I can't believe the new mayor actually did."

"Sure, the subway is fast, but an SUV appeals to my reptilian brain."

"Pardon me, ma'am, but I think you're wearing a friend of mine on your feet."

Contest #306 of 307, October 17, 2011

Winners:
1. "If you do the dishes, I'll dust the crops."

2. "Well, you were right, dear. It does hide that stain in the carpet."

3. "Honey, there's a sale on scarecrows."







Joel's:

"I told my boss I'd be in the field today."

"The paper is predicting robust growth for the third quarter."

"The guys at the plant keep telling me not to take work home with me."

"The real estate agent did not adequately explain the implications of the property being burden by an agricultural easement."

"So when do we get our federal farm aid?"

"Looks like the gardener came today."

Contest #303 of 307, September 26, 2011

Winners:
1. "Who has the time anymore? Now it just sits there, gathering dust."

2. "It's been in the family since 1789."

3. "When we drink wines from Spain, we replace it with the rack."




Joel's:
"So, who wants to go first?"

"We're not big on television."

"Most people in Henry's job don't take work home with them, but he's very dedicated."

"The prisoners are through the metal doors to the left of the bar.  Help yourself."

"I'm up to my neck in bills.  Any ideas?"

"We've cut our household expenses in half.  Ask us how."

"This is my last glass of wine.  One more and I'll lose my head."

"It's been a tense day.  I cut off another driver on the way home from work."

"Ready for our famous chopped salad?"

"The head of our staff is off tonight."

"Monty's a real cut-up, isn't he?"

"And after that, we just couldn't stay in France, so here we are."

CONTEST #302 OF 307, SEPTEMBER 19, 2011

Winner:
1. "The acoustics were better in the old boardroom."

2. "I'll be rapping my presentation."

3. "Prison made him reassess his priorities."



Joel's:
"Fred's notes are always meticulous."

Contest #301 of 307, September 12, 2011

Winners:
1. "Looks like they’re making cuts at the top."

2. "I dare anyone to say we missed a spot."

3. "It seems a bit extreme, but it does keep the zombies away."








Joel's:

"They think they're hot stuff, but I see right through them."

"Well, the new CEO promised more transparency."

"This generation is so much more clear headed than in the old days."

"In most jobs, it's the maintenance staff who are supposed to be invisible."

"Sure, they dress the part, but none of these guys has a head for business."

"I'm still adjusting to being part of the invisible economy."

"There goes the bold new face of American business."

Contest #300 of 307, September 5, 2011

Winners:
1. "There is one more thing we could try."

2. "The procedure is completely reversible."

3. "Keep it up."










Joel's:
"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do about your energy level.  It's just the way you're wired."

"Well, Bob, it's perfectly normal for a man your age not to get turned on as often as he used to be, so I wouldn't worry about it."

"I see you've been taking that Viagra I prescribed."

"Unfortunately, this is brain surgery we're talking about.  You can't just flip a switch."

"So when you say that your previous doctor turned you off, what do you mean?"

"Yes, your health insurance authorizes switching doctors.  Why do you ask?"

"Sorry, Bill, I'm afraid I have to have a medical reason to order another MRI."

"We're going to do a battery of tests."

"Bill, I'm afraid I still can't figure out why your pacemaker stops working when you sleep on your back."

Contest #298 of 307, August 15, 2011

Winners:
1. "I trust you know what to do when you get to the plate."

2. "O.K., we learned a lot this game, including you can't rush a soufflé."


3. "First base wants to know if you have anything gluten-free."





Joel's:

Contest #297 of 307, August 8, 2011

Winners:

1. "Is it so important that it be a rescue ship?"

2. "Want to play the license-plate game again?"

3. "So I see you went with the grass interior."








 Joel's:

"Looks like no swimming today, Bob."