Contest #189, April 20, 2009

First Place "Gesundheit." Submitted by Bob Vogel, Portland, Maine

Second Place "Most people are reassured after three or four." Barbara Colman, Hopewell Junction, N.Y.

Third Place "Congratulations—it's a porcupine." Submitted by Simon Fraser, Philadelphia, Pa.

Joel’s:

"I don't believe in it either. But the placebo effect is terrific."

"Next time, how about if you get the acupuncture and I get the back rub?"

"How was it for you, Amy?"

"I hear you. Stuck qi is a bitch."

"How does my tongue look?"

"You want a piece of this?"

"And as an added bonus, I'm also an M.D. Or used to be, until they noticed how much Demerol was missing."

"Don't worry, I saved a couple for you."

"Do you mind if the needles I use on you are coated with my bodily fluids?"